KRACALACTAKA!

These are the Wonder Twins:

They’re from a really shitty cartoon. They hang out with a stupid blue space monkey named Gleek.

And that stupid fucking monkey has a got a lot of toy-collecting dorks really, really pissed off:

The initial announcement generated a frenzied rage in many collectors, claiming they would not buy this set without the Monkey. Petitions were sent out, anti-Mattel Facebook pages were created, and many arguments on the DC action figure message boards all across the Internet were started about how Mattel was screwing over the fans. Still, none of this caused Mattel to waver in their decision and Comic Con began. Only those who attended the show and were willing to stand in the long lines at the Mattel booth would be able to get their hands on the little Monkey, at least at non-eBay prices.

So this “frenzied outrage” was over this:

Full grown adults, yelling at their monitors and slamming their fingers into their keyboards over a small, plastic MONKEY FROM A SHITTY CARTOON FROM THE 70′S. Apparently, action figure collectors are different than, oh, every other collector ever, because they think they deserve EVERYTHING. That’s boring and takes all of the fun out of collecting. I buy a lot of shoes, and love the Jordan III. When it was announced that the True Blue Retros would only be rereleased internationally, you know what I did?

“Oh, those awesome True Blue Jordan III Retros are awesome. What? Only being released internationally? Motherfucker. Oh well, what else is going on today?”

And I left it at that. What, that record on that color vinyl was only available to preorders, and they ended yesterday? Whatever. Oh, this vinyl toy is only available in Japan in one store, and only when it’s raining? Cool. But if you take away a man’s right to a plastic blue monkey, all hell breaks loose. Apparently that stupid monkey is “an integral part of the Wonder Twins.” But guess know what? The Wonder Twins fucking suck now and always have sucked. After all of this, I’m almost as embarrassed to hit the toy aisles as I am when I “accidentally” walk past the anime section in Best Buy.

Another ridiculous thing thing: you’d be surprised by the amount of people that think Mattel’s big money-makers are the figures they put out for Masters of the Universe (also lame) and DC Comics. Apparently they live in a world without Barbie or Hot Wheels. Weird.

BONUS!

The following is a list of monkeys that are a million times cooler than Gleek:
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